Typed on January 12, 2011
Omg, I have been so depressed all day, up until I finally took my meds. Everything bad in my life or that has went wrong in my life boggled my mind all at once and got me down and down quick. Hubby left early today and he was supposed to run a few errands and I got to thinking about him possibly cheating or getting into a car wreck or something and I had bad feelings until I actually heard back from him. Our phones have been screwing up all because they keep messing with the cell phone towers here in Jonesboro which really sucks ass.
I was telling hubby that I was sorry for being in a depressed state and everything I just had alot of things going on. I want to talk to him alot and tell him what is going on, but whenever I try to he acts all pissy and shit and I have gotten to where I am leary to even tell him anything at all. I have a hard time trusting anyone and he really knows that I have several trust issues. Simply because everyone I ever trusted has shit on me and I just got to were I didn't trust anyone. I didn't give a damn who it was, I just didn't trust anyone.
Trusting someone and doing it is so hard for me to do. I want to do it so badly, but it is the hardest thing for me to do ever again. I am so afraid that if I put trust in hubby that I will be shit on. I love him like crazy and I do not want to loose him, but I know if I don't start trusting him or having faith in him that I am going to loose him. I am trying my best. I love him so much and I can see myself growing old with him. I have just been through so much in my 27 years of life that I am not sure whether to go right or left or stay on the path that I am heading on. Anyways, I guess that is enough venting for now. That is what has been going on all day since hubby left. Now that I have my meds in me, I am doing alot better. Hope you all have a great day and if you wanna comment feel free to do so.
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