I can honestly say, that I have no clue what in the world is going on with me. I am seeing things in the house more and more the more that my husband works. I am taking my sleeping pills earlier at night so I can go to sleep sooner and then sleep longer. All kinds of things have been happening. Everytime I feel like someone is watching me, I get overwhelmed with emotions. I will start yelling at whatever it is and whenever I feel really freaked out, something will fall down or fall over or I will hear a weird noise.
I haven't been doing any of my rituals in a long ass time and I haven't meditated in a long ass time and I just don't know what is going on with me. I have been having really bad dreams about me being back in prison, but it is different kindof. It is the same layout, but different people and I have more things wrong with me. I don't know why I would be dreaming that. I am not doing anything to go back to prison much less jail.
I have had so many things that I needed to blog on and whenever I would come sit down at my desk to type, I start feeling ashamed, like I shouldn't type out my feelings or something. I feel like I am a little kid doing something that I know I shouldn't do and that feeling has kept me from typing.
My doctor took my off my psych meds and put me on Celexa. I have been on it for 3 months and there has really been no change at all in my moods. I have already had 3 anxiety/panic attacks in the last 5 days. Today being the 3rd one. I still feel like I shouldn't be typing anything out, but I am really fighting that feeling with everything that I have right now.
I see my therapist tomorrow and maybe something can be helpful that she can tell me. I don't know. Something is seriously going on. Something is trying to control me, but I don't know what. I haven't been stressed out in a few weeks. I finally was able to get myself another vehicle, so I dunno wth it could be. Well, I just had to vent.
