Better

Well, I just love when I am lied to. I am not going to go into detail about anything, but people seem to love to lie to me and then later on admit the truth or say something else the contradicts what I was originally told. I might have a bad memory when it comes to paying attention and trying to repeat what I was told, but it is another when I care about the person(s), when I care it makes it a lot more personal and I try to install things into my brain which in return makes me remember wtf is going on. I can't put up with liars, cheaters, and lazy ass mother fuckers that pretend they are one person and then the true side comes out in the end.

OMG, I found a new phone that I want. It is the LG VU (Pulse) phone and it is awesome looking. After we pay our bill, I can upgrade to that phone and get it for free. That is awesome!!! I am going to give my phone to hubby so he can have a better phone than the one he has. There is just something about the iphone that drives me nuts and it is called push screen to text. I hate not being able to text that well at all. So, I wanted a touch screen phone with a slider keyboard that way it is easier for me to text since I do a lot more of texting than I do of calling. It also has expandable memory which is effin awesome. Craig has been working a lot and on Tuesday nights it is going to be crazy!!!! He will be gone from 4pm to 6 am. I dunno what I am going to do really. I told him that I am most definently going to take me a sleeping pill. I finally took me some benadryl last night to conk my ass out. I slept so good it was just wonderful to actually have sleep after a few days. I took 2 benadryl 30 mins ago, and they are just now starting to kick in. My sores are getting awful. I get one sore and it is the typical ordeal, go through the process to heal the son of a gun up and cover it with a band aid, take the band aid off because it is itching in return rips my skin and leaves yet another sore. I am so weak anymore. My immune system is horrible and I believe it is from all the meds that I take which do weaken your immune system the longer you take them.

The financial program called me either Thursday or Friday and my pcp is supposed to fill out the paper work and send it in so I can get my meds free of charge which would be effin awesome if I can get them, but it all depends on him. I got bills out the wahzoo. I got a freaking bill from my back surgeon which is bs, he ain't charged me before so ytf is he going to charge me now, not to mention a bill from the hospital, a bill from my pcp, I got a letter from my attorney stating that on March 18, 2011 they filed for a court date and it is going to take 18-24 months to get one. I am about ready to give up on ss. I am doing everything possible, but it seems like I am so wore thin that I can't handle much more. *sighs* My life seems like it isn't worth anything anymore, if it werent for my boys, I would probably already be dead and gone. I am at my witz end anymore, I want to throw in the towel and say fuck it. I just need something to do to keep my mind off of things. I wish that I had some white pillow cases or something so I can embroider and stuff like I used to do. I can say in jail at least they let me sew blankets together to let me bypass my time. Caroline and I would be let out (since I was a liability to be left alone) early of a morning and we would clean, smoke, clean some more, smoke some more, sit and enjoy the air, sew the blankets together, help out when needed, and then we would be put back in the pod where we would color, read, watch tv, shower, sleep, whatever.

People that go to jail for non violent crimes aren't bad people, they just made a mistake, took a wrong turn, and need to be guided back to the right roads in their life to follow. I am thinking about once I get done with my college on going for my psychology degree or being an online counselor of some sort. That would be a good job for me because of my back, basically sitting on my booty behind a desk listening and giving advice. Hell, I basically do that shit for free so why not get paid for it? I can imagine doing that then coming on and providing services free of charge online or something to that nature. I am so glad that Craig has a second job and he actually loves it. *sighs again* It just sucks that I can't work right now and I really don't feel like letting him take care of me. I just wish that ss will just say Leslie needs it worse than what we thought and she is staying constant with dr visits and therapist appointments, so lets give her a break and approve her. I don't care if I don't get back pay, I would just love to have a check every month. I am tired of bills being behind and shit getting cut off or way past due because of it. My school money doesn't post as often as it used to, so I get it like 1 time every 3 or 4 months, unfortunantly, not in one lump sum. Sometimes it is enough to pay all the bills up and sometimes it isn't. Well, I think that I have blogged a book. I think, I am going to surf the net for a little while and then I am going to lay down and go to bed. Hopefully, Tremors 2 is going to go off soon, so hubby can come lay down beside me. I hope you all had fun reading about my boring ass life. Have a great day/night!!!!



PS
I wish I could get paid for every paragraph that I type while blogging.... *haha* I would make some money then. :)

Going Crazy

I dunno, what is going on anymore. I can go to sleep and I always seem to wake up about 2-4 hours later. I am about to go crazy. I thought last night I could actually sleep and low and behold, I hear this weird noise and Craig started making this gasping noise, and then all of a sudden he quit and stopped breathing. It freaked the hell out of me. Then whenever I started to nudge him he started breathing again. I finally fell asleep for 2 hrs and I heard something that woke me up and startled me and the next thing I know the dogs are barking at nothing. I dunno what is going on, am I haunted again? All the ghosts are coming back or something and it really drives me nuts. Well, I am going to get off of here and try to go to sleep before to long. I just realized how late it is. I am going to take me a few benadryl and see if I can't conk out.