I am about to go fucking crazy over my prescreening test and my actual surgery. I spent most the day cleaning up the bedroom and getting everything in order that needs to be in order. I have found myself not being able to sleep because I am worrying. I started freaking out because I bought a duffel bag here while back from my sister and a matching purse and for the life of me, I couldn't remember wth I had done with them. Then Craig told me to go find them and I know where it is now that I think about it, because we stuffed all the crap from the red van into it when we gave the van back to his ex wife.
I am just tripping out over all of this. I miss talking to Risa. I finally got a msg from her stating that she has the net back and to let her know when I was online and that she needed to talk to me. I have msged her a few times and no response, so I am guessing that she is in bed. I miss talking to her. I look forward to talking to her. Neil is actually at his grandma's house and I told him that I would see him Monday, but I give him until like 11 am and he will be msging my phone asking me or us to come get him. He is crazy like that.
I have my bedroom pretty much spotless. Everything has a place and I have a huge open space in my bedroom floor. It WILL stay that way that way I don't have to worry about tripping over anything walking to and from the bathroom to the bed. I know my computer will be in there. I told Craig that we can bring the smaller laptop to the hospital due to the fact I found the case to it. I haven't gotten a case for this laptop as of yet. I am just hoping and praying that everything works out for the better. I hope and pray that this surgery fixes me. I could careless about the feeling in the leg, I just want to stop pee'ing on myself and pooping on myself and not being able to feel my private parts. I pray to God that all my feeling comes back in those areas. I hope and pray that I get my disability. I am just worrying over so much crap and it is driving me insane.
I am going to be getting my duffel bag later on so I can pack it and get it out of the way for the hospital. I liked the fact my first surgery was sprung on me, but I don't like the feeling that I am preparing myself for the second one. I am not mentally ready and I am probably not going to be mentally ready. I have 9 days and a wake up. My surgery is scheduled for 7 am. I hope they take their time and they have everything ready for me, decals and everything. I really hope they put something back in the place they do the surgery. I know I will still have more surgeries after this coming one, but at least I can literally say, I will make the surgery for sooner rather than later. Anyways, I am going to get off of here and smoke my last cigarette. Hope you all have a great night. I am going to try after I snooze.
