I have been so depressed lately and I have been pmsing and today my vaginal numbness has really gotten me upset and depressed. It really sucks that I can't have sex nor enjoy sex or masturbation because of the no feeling in my private area. Nobody understands how it is really. I don't know if it can be fixed at all. I can handle being incontinent both ways, but I cannot handle not being able to enjoy sex.
I know sex isn't everything, but it is something that I really enjoy/enjoyed. I can handle a lot of things out of life. I can handle being treated like shit, I can am already thinned out as thin as I can be stretched. To bad that it didn't make me no skinnier. I just dunno if I can honestly do this anymore. I want to be able to have sex with my husband like I used to be able to do, and I can't do that, ain't been able to do it in like 7 or 8 months. It is just really adgetating me.
I just can't do this anymore. I wish I knew someone that had the same problem as me, or I could find a forum or something. I just really need to talk and need to know on which way to go. Anyways, I will hush up, or try to anyways.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sick and Tired
I am so sick and tired of trying to make things work out between Craig and I. I just don't know how much longer this is going to work out. He always throws a fucking temper tantrum every time I ask him to do something.
He slams things, throws things, and gets pissy over everything and he says he loves me and stuff but his fucking game is more important than me apparently. I know that we have had a rough couple of days but I can't handle this shit anymore. The more that he does this, the closer I am getting to the door. I am so ready to pack my shit and go and he doesn't realize it.
I am already in the state of a mental breakdown and I just can't do this crap anymore. I got tired of this shit with Victor and Jason and I am not going to put up with it. Craig is turning into both of them in one package. He needs a reality check and he just don't keep getting it. I will save my money for a divorce, I am not fucked up one bit about getting a divorce anymore. I will not get remarried. I have been through so much hell with him and I am just sick and tired of everything.
Craig, please get a reality check. If you don't stop some of your childish shit, I am gone! I will be gone for good. You are pushing me out of your life and I am tired of telling you that. I hear I am going to change and all this bullshit and I haven't seen it as of yet. Wake up and smell the coffee. I love you to death and I see myself growing old with you, but the more you act like this and play your game and act like I am not here, the more you are shoving me away. Remember in the Hotel we actually had good conversations with each other and you found out stuff you didn't even know when your fucking nose wasn't in the computer screen or at work? I actually felt loved and wanted by you.
You need to change or I am going to go. It is your choice.
He slams things, throws things, and gets pissy over everything and he says he loves me and stuff but his fucking game is more important than me apparently. I know that we have had a rough couple of days but I can't handle this shit anymore. The more that he does this, the closer I am getting to the door. I am so ready to pack my shit and go and he doesn't realize it.
I am already in the state of a mental breakdown and I just can't do this crap anymore. I got tired of this shit with Victor and Jason and I am not going to put up with it. Craig is turning into both of them in one package. He needs a reality check and he just don't keep getting it. I will save my money for a divorce, I am not fucked up one bit about getting a divorce anymore. I will not get remarried. I have been through so much hell with him and I am just sick and tired of everything.
Craig, please get a reality check. If you don't stop some of your childish shit, I am gone! I will be gone for good. You are pushing me out of your life and I am tired of telling you that. I hear I am going to change and all this bullshit and I haven't seen it as of yet. Wake up and smell the coffee. I love you to death and I see myself growing old with you, but the more you act like this and play your game and act like I am not here, the more you are shoving me away. Remember in the Hotel we actually had good conversations with each other and you found out stuff you didn't even know when your fucking nose wasn't in the computer screen or at work? I actually felt loved and wanted by you.
You need to change or I am going to go. It is your choice.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
WTH is going on?
I have no clue as to what the hell is going on. I get woke up on Friday morning by the Landlord because someone vandalized my car and then today, I left the window open to my bedroom that is about 10 feet off the ground, when hubby and I and Joshua came home from playing at the park, the window was wedged along with shattered. I doubt anyone tried breaking in and I don't want to think anyone would stoop to that level due to the fact there are more simple windows to bust to get into.
Anyways, it looks like it might of fell down fast or something and when it got stuck possibly shattered. The screen wasn't taken off or ripped so I have ruled out someone trying to break in anyways. We tried to call the Landlord and his phone is off. We found out from the maintenance man that he is in Tunica. Well that is just fine and dandy to find out. Some things just drive me nuts. I don't know why things seem to happen to us. So now I am going to have to buy some duck tape to tape up a trash bag or something over the window to keep the air from coming in or heat going out considering it is getting colder. It just bumfuzzles the hell out of me due to the fact that window was up all night long and nothing happened then. I really dunno what to think anymore. Well, I guess I will bitch later. Bye for now.
Anyways, it looks like it might of fell down fast or something and when it got stuck possibly shattered. The screen wasn't taken off or ripped so I have ruled out someone trying to break in anyways. We tried to call the Landlord and his phone is off. We found out from the maintenance man that he is in Tunica. Well that is just fine and dandy to find out. Some things just drive me nuts. I don't know why things seem to happen to us. So now I am going to have to buy some duck tape to tape up a trash bag or something over the window to keep the air from coming in or heat going out considering it is getting colder. It just bumfuzzles the hell out of me due to the fact that window was up all night long and nothing happened then. I really dunno what to think anymore. Well, I guess I will bitch later. Bye for now.
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