OH, I GOT IT!!! I know exactly what to talk about. Hubby and I have been having some major issues the last week now. I found out that he is trying to find a woman for a booty call. Does it bother me, hell yeah!!! I am so upset I don't know what to do anymore. Lord knows he has lost all trust with me and he may never get it back at all. I am seriously trying to figure out why he would go outside the thought of me and him being the only one's to be together. We are married and it just really eerks me that he would even attempt to do this to me.
I asked him why he would do this to me and he said it is because he isn't getting sex from me. WTF!!! Go pleasure yourself in the bathroom, I would rather you do that than find someone else to screw and possibly bring something home to me. He told me that I am not like I used to be. Umm duh dumbass. I have nerve damage where I can't really feel sex at all. It really bothers me a lot. I know all of this stuff is personal but I have really got to get it off of my chest before I go crazy on someone without even meaning too. I haven't been able to have the BIG O since August of 2010. That is when the nerve was cut off and all feeling below the waist and bodily functions couldn't be helped. It really bothers me because the nerve is basically to the point of no return, they told me that the feeling would come back anywhere from 6 weeks to a year. Yeah, 3 years later it is the same.
I am so upset I can't stand it. I told hubby the other day that he also needs to start helping around here. Of course, he was pissed at the fact that I even mentioned something like that. The house can't clean itself (though I really wish that it could), and I can't physically do a lot at a time. I have tried everything that I know to do with this place on my own. When my kids are here they honestly try and help me out, but when they aren't it is just me. I told hubby that if he didn't start helping me out that there is no point of him even being in the same household as me. I heard the same damn excuses that I have heard since my emergency back surgery in 2010, I PROMISE I will help you out more. I know that you can't do everything. I PROMISE if you ask me to do something that I will do it. Yeah, his promises ain't worth shit. You know they say a person is only as good as their word, ROFLMAO, wtf does that say about him?
There are so many things that literally have to be done in the house and he doesn't give a rats @ss on having it done or helping with it. I am hoping and praying that my pain pill will kick in so that I can actually start in on doing some things here in the house. If I wouldn't of taken a nap earlier then I would have been able to have most of what I needed to do done.
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Enough about that. I hope this to will pass. Have a great night everyone!!!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
Random Nightly Post
Let's see my day today was good but not good. I had a good time with my kids even though I didn't have them as long as I normally do or am used to. When I took them back to their dads and got back home, I started weed eating which killed my back so I was taking quite a few breaks. I got done what needed to be done. I then found out my sister was at my mom and dads house with my nephew and nieces so I ended up going over there and chilling with them for a little while.
I then came back home and tried to rest my back and I finally fell asleep (since my sleeping patterns have been screwy). I have to call my therapist today to confirm my appointment or reschedule because I never got a confirmation phone call from them which really ticks me off about them. If you don't confirm it they will cancel and have you reschedule. I also have to get ahold of a lady at the Corning Pound to rescue you shephard mix pup. She is so freaking adorable and it just erks me that she is literally on death row. They are supposed to be putting her down.
I talked to my dad and about shit bricks when he told me that he will allow me to get her so she won't get killed and me find her a great home. He knows that I ask a lot of questions and don't just give animals to someone that is wanting them first hand. I learned that when I was younger with puppies and kittens. It is a really great trait to have. I am still awake at almost 4 am. I know that I need to go to sleep but just part of me is wanting to do so much tomorrow.
When I go out tomorrow I will have to buy some flowers to put on the graves. I am upset that I didn't get to do that on Saturday. I haven't been feeling to well and I know that grandma understands that. Well, I am gonna watch some more SWITCHED AT BIRTH episodes and then try to crash. Gotta get my alarms set as well. Hope you all have a great night.
Nighty Night.... XOXO
I then came back home and tried to rest my back and I finally fell asleep (since my sleeping patterns have been screwy). I have to call my therapist today to confirm my appointment or reschedule because I never got a confirmation phone call from them which really ticks me off about them. If you don't confirm it they will cancel and have you reschedule. I also have to get ahold of a lady at the Corning Pound to rescue you shephard mix pup. She is so freaking adorable and it just erks me that she is literally on death row. They are supposed to be putting her down.
I talked to my dad and about shit bricks when he told me that he will allow me to get her so she won't get killed and me find her a great home. He knows that I ask a lot of questions and don't just give animals to someone that is wanting them first hand. I learned that when I was younger with puppies and kittens. It is a really great trait to have. I am still awake at almost 4 am. I know that I need to go to sleep but just part of me is wanting to do so much tomorrow.
When I go out tomorrow I will have to buy some flowers to put on the graves. I am upset that I didn't get to do that on Saturday. I haven't been feeling to well and I know that grandma understands that. Well, I am gonna watch some more SWITCHED AT BIRTH episodes and then try to crash. Gotta get my alarms set as well. Hope you all have a great night.
Nighty Night.... XOXO
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Misc
Well, what to type about? I have no clue at this time. So I may just end up typing random stuff as usual. Well my husbands ex has showed her butt again. He hasn't seen his kids since like the first week in July. Since July he has gotten to talk to his kids a total of 6 times that I can count off the bat. He tries calling and texting and she just ignores him. He will contact her husband, James, and he will say that he is at work and to try calling her phone which in return the same thing. I don't see why she has to make the kids suffer. We were supposed to meet her on Friday in Manifee to pick the kids up, but nope she has to make him out to be the bad guy (my guess anyways).
She tries to make herself look like a saint to the kids and hubby to look like the bad person and you would think after 4 years that she would get over herself and think more of her children than herself. SMH, some ppl.
On another note, I got my kids later today (since we didn't get hubby's kids) and my kids and I played on the computers, visited the grandparents, and then came home again and watched, Are You Afraid Of The Dark (feel old now huh?). We had a blast watching it on my computer. I am going to try making it a point to blog everytime before I go to bed. Everytime I dozed off earlier, someone would either msg me, reply to a post, or text me, so now I am up. Anyone that knows how my sleeping is, knows that it is hard as hell for me to fall asleep as it is, so it is better to let me be to sleep or I will be up for a long time (ie yesterday/this morning).
Maybe blogging will shut my brain off enough to go back to sleep. There is so much I want to type but at the same time, I am so tired that my brain isn't functioning properly. Anyways, hope you all have a great night. I sure am gonna try.
Nighty Night All. XoXo
She tries to make herself look like a saint to the kids and hubby to look like the bad person and you would think after 4 years that she would get over herself and think more of her children than herself. SMH, some ppl.
On another note, I got my kids later today (since we didn't get hubby's kids) and my kids and I played on the computers, visited the grandparents, and then came home again and watched, Are You Afraid Of The Dark (feel old now huh?). We had a blast watching it on my computer. I am going to try making it a point to blog everytime before I go to bed. Everytime I dozed off earlier, someone would either msg me, reply to a post, or text me, so now I am up. Anyone that knows how my sleeping is, knows that it is hard as hell for me to fall asleep as it is, so it is better to let me be to sleep or I will be up for a long time (ie yesterday/this morning).
Maybe blogging will shut my brain off enough to go back to sleep. There is so much I want to type but at the same time, I am so tired that my brain isn't functioning properly. Anyways, hope you all have a great night. I sure am gonna try.
Nighty Night All. XoXo
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Tough Time
I am doing this blog in the color I feel right now. I feel so blue (singing Blue by Leanne Rhymes). Last night I started crying non-stop (while watching Duck Dynasty) about 9 to 10 pm. All of my loved ones starting going through my head that has passed as well as my pets that have passed as well. I for the life of me couldn't figure out why I was having major crying spells.
My grandma (D.T) stayed on my mind while I was trying to figure everything out. At 11:58 pm I noticed what day it was fixing to be and that would be my grandma's birthday if she was still alive. I cannot stop thinking about her and crying. I miss her so much. I can't tell how much that I miss her and I know the rest of my family do too. I know she is up there, teaching everyone and carrying for everyone as well as the animals. I know she is taking care of my animals until I make it up there. I miss them all like crazy. Family was my comfort zone and when I moved my animals became my comfort zone. When you live an hour away from your children it is hard not to feel love back.
When my grandma passed away, a part of me died too. When 3 of my 5 pets passed away, even more of me died too. I wish there was a way that I could raise awareness here in Jackson County about adopting animals. You are saving a life when you do that. There are many animals on death row here and it really upsets me. The pound is full because the humane society can't take in anymore because they are over their limit as it is. They can only hold/kennel 67 max and right now they have over 90 dogs. There is a puppy on death row right now in Corning and it is really hard to keep her from being killed on Monday or Tuesday and here it is Saturday.
Enough about pets. I still haven't been asleep yet and I know that I am just rambling on. Well, I think it is time for me to get off of here and go to sleep. Hope everyone has a great day today.
My grandma (D.T) stayed on my mind while I was trying to figure everything out. At 11:58 pm I noticed what day it was fixing to be and that would be my grandma's birthday if she was still alive. I cannot stop thinking about her and crying. I miss her so much. I can't tell how much that I miss her and I know the rest of my family do too. I know she is up there, teaching everyone and carrying for everyone as well as the animals. I know she is taking care of my animals until I make it up there. I miss them all like crazy. Family was my comfort zone and when I moved my animals became my comfort zone. When you live an hour away from your children it is hard not to feel love back.
When my grandma passed away, a part of me died too. When 3 of my 5 pets passed away, even more of me died too. I wish there was a way that I could raise awareness here in Jackson County about adopting animals. You are saving a life when you do that. There are many animals on death row here and it really upsets me. The pound is full because the humane society can't take in anymore because they are over their limit as it is. They can only hold/kennel 67 max and right now they have over 90 dogs. There is a puppy on death row right now in Corning and it is really hard to keep her from being killed on Monday or Tuesday and here it is Saturday.
Enough about pets. I still haven't been asleep yet and I know that I am just rambling on. Well, I think it is time for me to get off of here and go to sleep. Hope everyone has a great day today.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Update Since Last Post
I know it has been awhile since I last posted. I was really on the fence on what to do:
I ended up trying to call the police station anonomously and even tried contacting several different people online, and everyone had read my msg but didn't ever respond to me. I even got another msg from the other side (after all the rain) stating that she was no longer where I was told she was in the beginning but she was in the black river as well. I once again tried calling the station and re contacting the people that I had msged previously.
Well, they were read once again and never responded to. Well, about 2 weeks to a month (can't remember which), but a fisherman, ended up finding her in the black river where I had previously stated before and told everyone I could think of. I hate when people think yeah right, she is stupid, she isn't real and stuff like that, but I do know the difference between what I am being told and my own thoughts.
I was really heartbroken for awhile because they would have found her a lot sooner than what they did and that the family would have been at peace a lot sooner. It just really tore me up that nobody took me seriously. I know it obviously sounds weird coming from a total stranger and I understand that several people don't believe in the other side. But I do and I know several other people that do. It happens to the best of us and it is very hard to understand the difference at first when you realize that you have that ability to understand and hear the other side. I will post more either later on tonight or tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone!!
I ended up trying to call the police station anonomously and even tried contacting several different people online, and everyone had read my msg but didn't ever respond to me. I even got another msg from the other side (after all the rain) stating that she was no longer where I was told she was in the beginning but she was in the black river as well. I once again tried calling the station and re contacting the people that I had msged previously.
Well, they were read once again and never responded to. Well, about 2 weeks to a month (can't remember which), but a fisherman, ended up finding her in the black river where I had previously stated before and told everyone I could think of. I hate when people think yeah right, she is stupid, she isn't real and stuff like that, but I do know the difference between what I am being told and my own thoughts.
I was really heartbroken for awhile because they would have found her a lot sooner than what they did and that the family would have been at peace a lot sooner. It just really tore me up that nobody took me seriously. I know it obviously sounds weird coming from a total stranger and I understand that several people don't believe in the other side. But I do and I know several other people that do. It happens to the best of us and it is very hard to understand the difference at first when you realize that you have that ability to understand and hear the other side. I will post more either later on tonight or tomorrow.
Goodnight everyone!!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Problem
I am trying to update on my life some since the last time I posted over a year ago. I haven't read anything really that I have typed. I am having a little bit of a problem:
I am what some people call a sensative. No I am not a medium. I can feel when spirits are around and they do talk to me and show themselves to me, and only when they are trying to give a message to someone. There is a girl that has been missing for a little over a month now and it has been weighing heavy on the community and my heart trying to figure out what in the world had happened to her. Well, last night a got a message from the other side on were she is, but I don't know how I would go about telling anyone what was said to me, I mean people would look at me like I am crazy if I said a spirit told me whenever it is the truth.
The papers don't give anything out that I received last night. I was telling my husband about it last night and he told me that I put it all together on speculation and what the papers say. I told my husband that the papers don't say anything about any of this and this place I got to where she may be located, I was telling my husband all about it and then last night I had another message while he was looking at articles to see if I was telling the truth or not. I told him a road that was taken and told him to look it up because I couldn't find it. He looked it up and sure enough that road leads to the same place that I strongly feel that she will be found at. It is really bothering me, sometimes I feel like my mind is a mind of its own and just telling me stuff that I don't think is real, but when you are being told stuff that the papers have nothing to say about it, then it just makes me wonder ya know. I don't call myself the real deal because I really don't have anything to validate my gift. What would you do in my position?
Please comment below if you would like to give me some advice. Thank you all in advance.
I am what some people call a sensative. No I am not a medium. I can feel when spirits are around and they do talk to me and show themselves to me, and only when they are trying to give a message to someone. There is a girl that has been missing for a little over a month now and it has been weighing heavy on the community and my heart trying to figure out what in the world had happened to her. Well, last night a got a message from the other side on were she is, but I don't know how I would go about telling anyone what was said to me, I mean people would look at me like I am crazy if I said a spirit told me whenever it is the truth.
The papers don't give anything out that I received last night. I was telling my husband about it last night and he told me that I put it all together on speculation and what the papers say. I told my husband that the papers don't say anything about any of this and this place I got to where she may be located, I was telling my husband all about it and then last night I had another message while he was looking at articles to see if I was telling the truth or not. I told him a road that was taken and told him to look it up because I couldn't find it. He looked it up and sure enough that road leads to the same place that I strongly feel that she will be found at. It is really bothering me, sometimes I feel like my mind is a mind of its own and just telling me stuff that I don't think is real, but when you are being told stuff that the papers have nothing to say about it, then it just makes me wonder ya know. I don't call myself the real deal because I really don't have anything to validate my gift. What would you do in my position?
Please comment below if you would like to give me some advice. Thank you all in advance.
Update
Damn, it is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last blogged and even then it was short and sweet via my iphone. Let's see, what is going on with my life as of right now?
I have had 3 back surgeries since September 1, 2010. This past January, I ended up with 3 ankle surgeries due to a huge ass abcess that I had on it that wasn't draining like it needed too. I was in the hospital for 4 days before they let me go home. I was home maybe 2 days and got really bad sick. I couldn't keep anything down at all, all I wanted to do was sleep, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was pretty much out of it. I didn't feel like myself at all. My husband finally told the hospital/my dr that something was majorly wrong with me. I couldn't stay awake or even know what I was doing and what I was saying was nothing but jibberish. I was rushed to the ER they done tons of blood work and turned out that I was in kidney failure and if I would have waited a few more days I would have been dead because my body was full of nothing but toxins. The er sent me to Jonesboro er where I stayed for 5 hrs before they finally admitted me. I was so dehydrated that all of my veins were blowing. They said they had never seen anyone that bad before. They finally got an iv in the spot where they were constantly drawing blood for everything they needed and would have to come in for more and finally the lab tech said she was going to take extra just in case they needed more. I ended up being in the hospital for another week. I have never been so scared in my life.
Yes, I have considered suicide on many occasions but the fact I was finding more and more stuff to live for made me do what I had to do to stay for my kids. I do have many mental issues that I have to deal with and it is really hard to pull yourself out of being a cutter or being bi-polar and having add as well as being a manic depressive. I do admit that I am fucked up, but I have learned over the years that trying to control your thoughts and emotions isn't as easy as it is cracked up to be. I have known since I was really young that something wasn't right and my parents knew as well, but we didn't have the money for the doctor and all the tests that needed to be done to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Now that I am older, I am blessed enough with the things I need to help control myself. Well, I guess that I have typed enough for now. I have been told in the past that I seem like whenever I start stuff that by the time that I end up stopping typing that I have already had a book written. For me being bi-polar and a manic depressive, I think that is a really good thing/compliment. Anyone that has either problem knows how hard it is to concentrate on just one thing. :) Anyways, I am going to go, just wanted to type an update. :) Hope you all have a great day/night.
I have had 3 back surgeries since September 1, 2010. This past January, I ended up with 3 ankle surgeries due to a huge ass abcess that I had on it that wasn't draining like it needed too. I was in the hospital for 4 days before they let me go home. I was home maybe 2 days and got really bad sick. I couldn't keep anything down at all, all I wanted to do was sleep, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was pretty much out of it. I didn't feel like myself at all. My husband finally told the hospital/my dr that something was majorly wrong with me. I couldn't stay awake or even know what I was doing and what I was saying was nothing but jibberish. I was rushed to the ER they done tons of blood work and turned out that I was in kidney failure and if I would have waited a few more days I would have been dead because my body was full of nothing but toxins. The er sent me to Jonesboro er where I stayed for 5 hrs before they finally admitted me. I was so dehydrated that all of my veins were blowing. They said they had never seen anyone that bad before. They finally got an iv in the spot where they were constantly drawing blood for everything they needed and would have to come in for more and finally the lab tech said she was going to take extra just in case they needed more. I ended up being in the hospital for another week. I have never been so scared in my life.
Yes, I have considered suicide on many occasions but the fact I was finding more and more stuff to live for made me do what I had to do to stay for my kids. I do have many mental issues that I have to deal with and it is really hard to pull yourself out of being a cutter or being bi-polar and having add as well as being a manic depressive. I do admit that I am fucked up, but I have learned over the years that trying to control your thoughts and emotions isn't as easy as it is cracked up to be. I have known since I was really young that something wasn't right and my parents knew as well, but we didn't have the money for the doctor and all the tests that needed to be done to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Now that I am older, I am blessed enough with the things I need to help control myself. Well, I guess that I have typed enough for now. I have been told in the past that I seem like whenever I start stuff that by the time that I end up stopping typing that I have already had a book written. For me being bi-polar and a manic depressive, I think that is a really good thing/compliment. Anyone that has either problem knows how hard it is to concentrate on just one thing. :) Anyways, I am going to go, just wanted to type an update. :) Hope you all have a great day/night.
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