Update

Damn, it is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last blogged and even then it was short and sweet via my iphone. Let's see, what is going on with my life as of right now?

I have had 3 back surgeries since September 1, 2010. This past January, I ended up with 3 ankle surgeries due to a huge ass abcess that I had on it that wasn't draining like it needed too. I was in the hospital for 4 days before they let me go home. I was home maybe 2 days and got really bad sick. I couldn't keep anything down at all, all I wanted to do was sleep, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was pretty much out of it. I didn't feel like myself at all. My husband finally told the hospital/my dr that something was majorly wrong with me. I couldn't stay awake or even know what I was doing and what I was saying was nothing but jibberish. I was rushed to the ER they done tons of blood work and turned out that I was in kidney failure and if I would have waited a few more days I would have been dead because my body was full of nothing but toxins. The er sent me to Jonesboro er where I stayed for 5 hrs before they finally admitted me. I was so dehydrated that all of my veins were blowing. They said they had never seen anyone that bad before. They finally got an iv in the spot where they were constantly drawing blood for everything they needed and would have to come in for more and finally the lab tech said she was going to take extra just in case they needed more. I ended up being in the hospital for another week. I have never been so scared in my life.

Yes, I have considered suicide on many occasions but the fact I was finding more and more stuff to live for made me do what I had to do to stay for my kids. I do have many mental issues that I have to deal with and it is really hard to pull yourself out of being a cutter or being bi-polar and having add as well as being a manic depressive. I do admit that I am fucked up, but I have learned over the years that trying to control your thoughts and emotions isn't as easy as it is cracked up to be. I have known since I was really young that something wasn't right and my parents knew as well, but we didn't have the money for the doctor and all the tests that needed to be done to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Now that I am older, I am blessed enough with the things I need to help control myself. Well, I guess that I have typed enough for now. I have been told in the past that I seem like whenever I start stuff that by the time that I end up stopping typing that I have already had a book written. For me being bi-polar and a manic depressive, I think that is a really good thing/compliment. Anyone that has either problem knows how hard it is to concentrate on just one thing. :) Anyways, I am going to go, just wanted to type an update. :) Hope you all have a great day/night.